HNY 08

Christmas has been reassuringly Christmassy, although it sprung up out of nowhere, and caught me unprepared and still focused on The New Job.

As I am all too aware that you are at risk of being savaged by rabid monkeys if you blog about work, I'll contain myself. I'm pretty smug though. Having a Proper Job is mighty fine. A bit knackering, working full time, but exactly what I was hoping for after all my never-ending internships and voluntary projects.

Back to Christmas.

There was turkey, and crackers may have made a prominent appearance, and the Queen was watched. Walks were brief because of the cold and glasses were always full.

New Year's up next and I'm not hiding my excitement about being back in Warsaw for it. Szczesliwego nowego roku!

the recurring goodbye

I suppose it would have been worse if that first goodbye had been brief and breezy. But seeing a face you love crumple in grief is like someone taking a grater to raw skin. All the rational decisions we took together, all the reasoning and discussing and agreeing, it all fades and we grab at each other, unseeing through smeary eyes, wanting to stop it now. Enough. Let's go back to the simple, steady life of before.

The second time, another Sunday, another week gone, we expect it to be better. We've been fine, kept talking, kept reassuring. We've caught up, chewed over it all, and are still on track. We are strong enough for this so let's do it. Both our coats of armour disintegrate as the time approaches. The gate clicks behind me, I turn and he waves. The lump in my throat rises and only subsides as the tears flow.

By the third week, it should be routine. Until the last minute we are positive and smiley. We talk of the next time, the things we'll do, the extra days we'll have. His arms are pulled tight around me and I want just a few more seconds. Not yet. One last press of his warm lips and he's gone.

How many more of these do we have to get through?

week one

Monday was full of smiles and hands tired from shaking others. First contacts and introductions.

Tuesday was lists of lists, with side lists and roughly sketched plans.

Wednesday was the first test, a group of kids needing me to present what my new challenge is all about. Evening exhaustion more complete and overwhelming than I remember from recent life.

Thursday was heightened energy levels and a wash of happiness as I realised I was finding my feet.

Friday was anticipation of the weekend, back with my missing and missed person. A complete weekend to talk and feel and be.

yeah yeah I was away

Spending a full week in Vienna, getting to know new colleagues and getting to grips with new responsibilities may be the best way to prepare for a new job, but it may not be the best way to prepare for a 3-hour long Polish exam.

Despite the brain-killing properties of mulled wine and the confusion factor introduced by dredging up long-forgotten German phrases, I managed to untangle my language threads enough to get through the exam without too much bother.

So yeah, that's why it's been a bit quiet around here, and if I were you I'd get a feed reader sorted rather than popping back on the off-chance that I've posted something new, because things may be a little intermittent for a while.

I'm leaving for Brussels tomorrow, and before then I need to decide which of my possessions, up to 20kg, I would like to take with me.

Luck isn't even close to what I need to get me though this process. Do you have the faintest idea how many pairs of shoes I have?