I'm having another crisis people

When I was 15 or so, I thought life went school, university degree, job. Oh, I knew about the parties and fun stuff too, but in terms of professional life I thought the pattern was a given.

Ten years on I see that so far it's gone school, university degree, masters degree, internship, internship, voluntary service, plenty of 'thanks but you're too young and inexperienced' answers to jobs I want and only insultingly low-paid offers for jobs that I'm over qualified for.

This week I'm back in my house-sitting role in the beautiful house in Wilanow. I'm getting paid to be here. Paid the equivalent of two weeks non-stop copy editing to sit around for a week and make the odd meal with food I haven't paid for. That's the kind of job I like and also the kind of job that frustrates me. I have a brain, I can think, I can work hard, I can be an asset to a team.

So why am I dreaming about setting up a house-sitting company for rich ex-pats? Why am I thinking I could be wealthy fairly quickly and buy a big Warsaw flat if only I could tap into that market and sit around letting money come to me. That's not me! I want to work for people who need me on a more fundamental level. I want to work with human rights issues, meet people who are discriminated against and do something to change inequalities. I'm giving up before I've even started!

This time next week I am probably going to have left my current job, and the house-sitting will be over. I will be back in the position of needing something to keep me going over the summer, before I am hopefully given an EU grant to organise a World Refugee Day event and I'm afraid it's going to be English teaching. Not the charitable English teaching I was doing before either, but the money-grabbing kind. Just as well I'm little-miss-be-prepared and have nearly completed a TEFL qualification.

Damn.